Here are some photos of a girl. The girl in the photos is on a trip, an adventure if you will. The sun is shining bright through gaps in the trees and the sky is clear, its blue reflecting in the sparkling sea that stretches out endlessly behind her. Rugged up in a comfy winter outfit, in a quiet setting void of others, she seems to have eagerly taken advantage of a pink decorative photo opportunity conveniently placed at the New York Lamp Museum & Flower Garden on her whimsical solo holiday to Japan’s Izu Peninsula. Exuding playfulness and confidence, someone scrolling past these would reasonably marvel at the amazing time she appears to be having.
The photos appear idyllic, showcasing the independence, freedom and aesthetic self-searching expectedly experienced on a journey such as this one. They evoke, for friends, family, and acquaintances, the same wanderlust that had brought the girl there in the first place. This interpretation, determined through a deliberately staged frame and carefully considered versions of this particular moment, later shown to other people, creates a limited understanding and a misplaced sense of idealism. The full reality of before, during and afterwards, remains veiled and undeterminable. There is no way that happiness, loneliness, tiredness, confidence, anxiety or comfort whilst travelling alone can be ascertained.
However, this is not to say that these photographs are false. Everything you see here really happened. Each frame holds truth that is limited by incompleteness. The beauty is still genuine, despite the hidden difficulties and uncertainties that surround the captured instances. These photos of this girl on a trip aren’t lying or hiding some kind of harsher reality. They are just unable to construct the complex nature of life outside the frames.
The next day, she is paralysed within the walls of a cramped hotel room, riddled with fear at the thought of stepping outside. Laundry has become an absolute necessity, but even heading down to the ground floor of that same building to use the washing machines is just too much. It is so daunting, in fact, that the girl hunches over the side of the bath in her pajamas, at two o’clock in the afternoon, to clean her clothes with complementary shampoo - the chaos of which you can only begin to derive from the peculiarity of this photo featuring her laundry hanging in the tiny bathroom.
Despite how much she had already accomplished on the trip prior to this episode, she decidedly feels that she has officially failed. With so much shame piling up from a day spent doing nothing, there are no photos that she deems worthy enough to showcase her admirable adventure.
To make matters worse, plans for tonight were already pre-arranged with her partner’s cousins, who also happen to be in the area. Mustering up the last speck of courage left dwindling inside, she gets dressed. In one final attempt to tear herself out of this funk, she paints her face with make-up to hide the puffiness around her eyes. Shuffling out into the crisp cold, she steps into the outside world for the first time that day - at six o’clock in the evening.
That night soon became one of the most memorable nights of the entire trip. You would never have guessed that the smiling girl in this alternative, shareable photo, was the same one who, just hours earlier, had been crying anxious tears into a bathtub full of dirty clothes, too afraid to be seen in public. However, that night was not memorable in spite of what had transpired before it; on the contrary, it was made all the more meaningful. The struggles were just as much a part of the experience as the moments of joy, and each held their own value.
It takes many facets to form the sum of a memorable and worthwhile journey. Although struggles and hardships felt regretful and utterly foolish in the moment, they allowed the girl to come face to face with her weaknesses, to sit with them and eventually overcome them. Some may see her time spent shut in her hotel room as a wasted day. This judgment is what she fears more than anything. But amongst everything else that she accomplished on this solo trip abroad, she would soon come to the proud realisation that this bump in the road demonstrated her limits and, therefore, the incredible amount of resilience it took to board a plane alone in the first place.
Challenges are relative to the person facing them. The experience depicted in the perfectly curated photos that were posted and sent to family and friends show parts of this story that are genuinely cherished. There are also hidden aspects, not as pretty or digestible, though equally as special and important to self-discovery.
I am the girl in these photos. I treasure every picture that captured that wonderful time, and I am grateful even more so for all the blurred realities that lay in the spaces between them.